"I'm Not Convinced We Know Anything"

Dear Future Me

It’s a shame that even though you are wiser, brighter and more experienced with life, the path your life has taken and your current situation depends on the choices I make for you now.

I wish it was the other way round so that I didn’t put you in that awkward situation. That situation where you wish I was less materialistic, more focussed, more appreciative of the things in life that actually matter. I wish I could have your point of view so I could do only that which I needed to do and spend not one second or more on things that I need not in my life.

I know you think I’m too young to get stressed over little things, you probably even find it funny when I go to a bar to drink my stress away. You probably remember that and say to yourself  “Oh, that’s just cute. He thinks he has problems.”

I know you wonder why I didn’t spend more time reading Shakespeare so you could make more rich people jokes at your philanthropy dinners. You wish I could have worked harder now when I have more energy and a younger brain so you could just lie back and wait for the Nobel prizes.  You wish I could invent more, travel around the world, write more poetry, go for picnics, or just spend more being in the moment; noticing stars, trees, shadows, edges, smells, moments…

You wonder why I was instead  caught up in this race towards material gain, and acted in certain ways to fit in the crowd. You probably think I shouldn’t have tried so hard to fit in so as to stand out because that doesn’t make sense anyway.

You wonder why I ate junk food, and lots of sugar and red meat and very little fruit. You think I don’t care about you at all.

I wish had your wisdom so I could see the world through your eyes. And I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you. But when you think about it, I have to be me, for you to be you. Though I promise I will try harder to make you have less regrets.

 Dear Future Me