I was a Cylon vampire among Bill and Eric of True Blood, Boomer, Kara and Ellen of BattleStar Galactia among others. We had a meeting at some point wondering how to dress. I suggested that each model should wear the same kind of clothes so that people don’t easily discover the truth.
We are drinking. Kara is kissing Eric to make me jealous. But it is a quick and forced kiss. I decide to kiss Boomer. We do it passionately like something was actually between us. Kara gets jealous and decides to kiss me passionately as well. At this point I realize am dreaming because I remember am not dating Kara but Melissa.
We are in a car, drunk and chatty. As the car comes to a junction there’s a motorcycle ahead of us entering a compound. It’s a futuristic looking motorcycle but it looks broken somehow. One of us in the car says that it’s too cold outside to drive without a roof. After the junction we’re driving down the road. One of us points our attention to the hyena running in the opposite direction.
I wake up.
Am at a door, Bill is handing me an empty water container. We are going to fetch water. Then I start telling him that am having a déjà vu. “I have seen this Bill. I’ve seen all of this” He looks at me like he knows something, something bad. “I’ve seen us walk down this path. I remember all this from the dream. we’re going to meet our vampire friend Eric somewhere along the road”, I say. “of course our vampire friend!” he replies mockingly.
After we walk for a while I realize there’s no vampire friend. Then it dawns on me that it’s daytime. “Oh, we can’t be vampires because it’s during the day.” I say. Bill replies “yes kid”. I start getting scared. “what is wrong with me Bill?”. I ask . “you’ve been like this for the last four months”, he says. “Like what?”, I ask. And he replies ” since the accident! False memories.”
Am dumbfounded. At which point we enter a car at the junction from my dream. I look across and there’s a gated compound. Below the gate I can see wheels of a vehicle that look exactly like the motorbike I remember. I look at Bill and his face his pale. Very pale. I look outside and I see Eric.
I wake up.
In under a week two of my greatest heroes succumbed to cancer, a dreadful disease whose toll ironically increases with our advancement in science and technology. Steve Jobs and Wangari Maathai are more than your ordinary people. They both lived their lives to the fullest extent and their efforts had effects on people all over the globe. They are icons that will be remembered for years to come and they set paths of development that will influence generations to come. They were visionaries who struggled day and night to pursue their dreams to change the way we do things. And now we have to live with the reality that they are gone, forever. Just like that. Which got me really thinking about death.
Just over a week ago, my friend Melissa and I talked in length about life and death and life after death. She has a strong belief on reincarnation and despite my philosophical diversion from all that is beyond natural she managed to convince a part of me that there is probably more to death than just decomposition.
I think of myself as an atheist. But definition can become tricky. People have varying definitions of the term and their perceived philosophical implications. In my case, it is the accepting of things that can be shown to be true and rejecting those that aren’t or those that can’t be proved otherwise. Theories must have concrete evidence and should remain valid until conflicting evidence is found. That’s my philosophy. But then again religious people (and the designers at Facebook) expect it be defined as your religion. Problem is, it’s not. I have no religious inclination.
Now as an atheist, whatever that means, am only accommodating to science. Science provides neither information on what happens after death nor a means of measuring it. We as humans have assumed there is more to death than decomposition probably since the time evolution enabled us to make assumptions. The fact that there is no science to back it up however does not mean it is incorrect. But then again why should we hang on to the idea? Is it the notion that we are too complex and too important to be just bundled up matter with a finite lifespan? What if that’s all we are, and the notion is just part of how our brains work, perhaps the only way our brains can work for this kind of advancement to happen? Otherwise what would be the point of living and making the world a better place when life goes for less than 120 years out of the 13,000,000,000 years of the universe, on a teeny tiny rock whose very existence can be completely ignored at no loss by another civilization within the 15 billion light years expanse of the universe? It is possible that the only way a mortal intelligent species can advance and not self-destruct is if it believes it is special, and somewhat immortal.
And that is working very well so far. We don’t know what we are, why we are here, where we are headed and the point of it all but we can celebrate our fallen heroes because they make life worth the hype and they give us the courage to play our part in advancing our kind. And maybe when we finally figure it out we will see the point and be grateful that we came thus far without much to go with.
It’s a shame that even though you are wiser, brighter and more experienced with life, the path your life has taken and your current situation depends on the choices I make for you now.
I wish it was the other way round so that I didn’t put you in that awkward situation. That situation where you wish I was less materialistic, more focussed, more appreciative of the things in life that actually matter. I wish I could have your point of view so I could do only that which I needed to do and spend not one second or more on things that I need not in my life.
I know you think I’m too young to get stressed over little things, you probably even find it funny when I go to a bar to drink my stress away. You probably remember that and say to yourself “Oh, that’s just cute. He thinks he has problems.”
I know you wonder why I didn’t spend more time reading Shakespeare so you could make more rich people jokes at your philanthropy dinners. You wish I could have worked harder now when I have more energy and a younger brain so you could just lie back and wait for the Nobel prizes. You wish I could invent more, travel around the world, write more poetry, go for picnics, or just spend more being in the moment; noticing stars, trees, shadows, edges, smells, moments…
You wonder why I was instead caught up in this race towards material gain, and acted in certain ways to fit in the crowd. You probably think I shouldn’t have tried so hard to fit in so as to stand out because that doesn’t make sense anyway.
You wonder why I ate junk food, and lots of sugar and red meat and very little fruit. You think I don’t care about you at all.
I wish had your wisdom so I could see the world through your eyes. And I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you. But when you think about it, I have to be me, for you to be you. Though I promise I will try harder to make you have less regrets.